Cats

Hello my college semester is almost over. YAY! I have been reading a lot about animals lately and I am starting to read about cat colonies. There are some cats behind my house and I can’t keep them but I can feed them and help them out a bit. I have seen two so far. A tuxedo cat I have named Tuxedo and a white cat with orange on its forehead, head and back I named Orange. (Yes I know not very creative names) I have been putting food out in the back yard and I saw Tuxedo licking water off leaves in the front yard. I put a bowl of water out and some turkey meat and after a while Tuxedo has gravitated toward it. I leaned on the window while I was peeking and Tuxedo looked up with an annoyed expression. (Cute) Hopefully it will give Tuxedo a positive association with me. No I do not expect Tuxedo to start rubbing up against my legs anytime soon. In fact the cat will probably never do that. But I do hope that one day Tuxedo will let me watch while he eats. My dream is that one day she will let me pet her even a little. I have not seen orange for a while I hope he is OK.

Christopher Hitchens, god is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything

“Many religions now come before us with ingratiating smirks and outspread hands, like an unctuous merchant in a bazaar. They offer consolation and solidarity and uplift, competing as they do in a marketplace. But we have a right to remember how barbarically they behaved when they were strong and were making an offer that people could not refuse.”

Came out.

Well I told my parents I am Bi. Not sure they believe me. My stepfather said my mother cried. He asked how do i know I am Bi if I have never been in a relationship with a girl before. I told I am attracted to both men and women had sex with both and enjoyed it so... This really got him because apparently he thought I was a virgin. He told me he wants to cry now. I told him it is not his fault. I am still not sure if they believe me though I think they are sort of brushing it to the side now.

Bought a car.

Hey guys I know I have not blogged in a while but that because a lot of things have happen. That being said I have an announcement to make. I BOUGHT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a 1993 Hyundai Excel and I named her Mai. I wanted to name her after her previous owner but I could not remember her name.  So I have been reading about bisexuality but apparently according to several written sources my sexual identity would be classified as pansexual. If you do not know what that means please read the following definitions brought to you by Wiki.

Bisexuality is romantic or sexual attraction or behavior toward males and females, especially with regard to men and women.

Pansexuality, or omnisexuality, is sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward persons of all gender identities and biological sexes.

Now when I realized that I was bisexual I thought that meant a person who did not care about a person’s gender but who they were as a person. Apparently this is closer to the pansexual definition than the bisexual one.

*Sigh*

Who came up with these rules anyway? Well I think I am going to have to think about this some more. Until next time.  

Okcupid

Met a really funny guy on OkCupid. Started texting him and enjoy talking to him. We are just friends now and I would keep it that way for awhile. However, if we keep getting along so well in the future who knows. He has a lot of part-time jobs. His main one is an EMT. I am also planning on getting a car very soon. I have two in mind and one really interests me. I just need to see them and check them out to be sure.

Update: Situation did not end well. Guy got a bit creepy.

Star struck.

The day before yesterday I saw an incredibly beautiful girl. I was waiting on her and as soon as I saw her my heart began to race. I had trouble walking because my legs were shaking so bad. I kept screaming in my head. Telling myself to get a grip. I managed to compose myself and complete her order without incident. When she left I felt intensely unworthy of someone so beautiful. My obesity has always been a problem for me. As I stood there staring at my reflection in the window I felt every pound weighing down on me. I hate this feeling of disgust and shame that constantly comes to me due to my weight.

Okcupid

Trying to meet new friends online and learn to socialize better. Wish me luck.

My friend S's first love!

  Congratulations to my wonderful friend S and her first love. S has found someone she connects with and I am so happy for her. She’s a great friend who always listens to me and never complains about how much I whine. LOVE YA! Also to her new bo I look forward to meeting you someday soon. Now do not worry. I am not about to hand out the usual barbaric threats to cut off certain parts of your body or vivisecting you if you hurt her. I have decided to begin making myself into a mature level headed adult. After all there are plenty of perfectly legal ways to make a person’s life a living hell. J

  Thank you S for sharing your first sappy love story with me. I hope you two will share many happy moments together.

The amazing power of coffee!

Last night my mother told my brother that she was tired of being woken up by his constant dancing and singing during the night so from now on she was going to take the remotes to the PlayStation and TV away at eleven every night. I fully supported this plan since I have not been sleeping AT ALL thanks to my bothers nightly exploits. My brother however he threw a fit and ended up having his remotes taken right then. This made me happy because I really wanted to catch up on some much needed sleep. It continues to shock me how naïve I can be sometimes.

My darling brother woke me up five or six times during the night. Since it takes me about a half hour to an hour or longer to get myself to sleep I ended up with maybe four or five hours of sleep. I found myself in need of a boost this morning. Thankfully my bosses make coffee everyday so I got some. Four cups later I became wonder woman! I had a great day, and made great tips! All day I felt a slight buzzing in my head, and a nearly overwhelming need to announce my new found power to the masses. I also felt a bit shaky after the caffeine wore off. Thankfully, I was home by then and could deal with the crash. I felt great but I think I need to regulate my coffee intake better. Perhaps I should have just two cups between hours?

Could I be a secondary?

About this time last year my friend G and I were talking in the college cafeteria and I told her about how I felt trapped in my house with my parents using me as a 24 hour babysitting service which would be understandable if they had to work all the time but this is not the case. They go out with friends or just out for a drive or they go to take care of an errand that just one of them can easily handle alone. With all this I have no life outside of my siblings. Having to babysit all the time when my mom was in nursing school was fine. But I just wanted to be free to live my own life now. G (the sweetie) offered me to go live with her and her boyfriend when they buy their first house. I told her that was sweet but I cannot move into a soon to be married couple’s home. Then she told me that she was not just offering to share their home but their bed too. I froze both scared and excited. I am bi and have always found G attractive but never imagined this kind of relationship. I wanted to say yes but I am far too insecure about my weight to consider such a proposal. I told G this and she informed me her fiancée liked big girls so it’s not a problem. I told her it is a problem for me and I can’t even consider a normal relationship with someone until I get not only my weight but my life and emotional well-being in order and could she please give me time. She agreed.

 A couple months later I was eating at a Vietnamese restaurant when G and her fiancée walked in and said hi. This was the first time I had met him and was a little nervous. He was a gentleman at all times even though I knew G and he had to have discussed her offer to me. None of us mentioned anything about the offer though because it seemed as though G had just had another disagreement with her family and was feeling very hurt at the moment. Her fiancée was holding her hand and speaking soothingly to her. I longed to reach out and comfort her too but was not sure what I could do or what was allowed to do in this situation. So all I did was tell her if she wanted to talk I would listen but she did not so I didn’t press. Since then a few months after that I was once again "proposed" to by G. She is truly serious over this matter. I have done research to try to make sense of this situation. I discovered the subject of polyamory and founded that in this relationship I would be a called a "secondary" to both G and her fiancée. I am still having problems with my weight and my family living situation but I am making strides to break free of both. I really do want to consider G’s offer but am unsure if the situation will work out at all. I feel as if I need to examine every situation that could possibly happen between all of us. This is not even mentioning the threat of jealousy. When I think of it, I believe I would be very happy as a secondary to both of them. However I do not know if they will end up regretting it and that is what I fear the most.